Black Cobra, Glitter Wizard, and Lecherous Gaze
January 18, 2013
Brick and Mortar Music Hall
San Francisco, CA

Where the Black Glitter Shines

                  The night started as many end, with me alone in my room, drinking a beer and watching a skate vid. It being a Friday though, I had no ambition to let such a pastime suffice alone. This was just my pre-game, where I would wind down from a long workweek and perk up my mental biceps. Plus, Candice and I had tickets to see Black Cobra. So yeah, chuh. After I felt plumb ready to rock, I skated down to meet Candice and we made our way down toward Brick and Mortar, the night’s house for the unholy. We made a pit-stop at Zeitgeist, a bar down the street from said venue, and met up with our friend Robb. We all got heartily jolly before the three of us pegged our way over to the show.

Black Cobra Glitter Wizzard Lecherous Gaze
Black Cobra Glitter Wizard Lecherous Gaze

It was my first time at Brick and Mortar. Upon stepping into its shadowy depths, the night’s opening act in full gusto, I was taken aback by how, shall we say, up close and personal it was. That place is fucking teensy. Which I feel can definitely help pump the aura’s fist at a metal show, but can also be a bit like a pillow over the face. That night ended up being a little from column A and little from column B, but everything in its place; let me first begin at the beginning: the openers were a band called Lecherous Gaze. I was definitely lifting a couple of impressed eyebrows at the guitarist’s solos, which were bookended by leads and highlighted with licks. Each note had a crisp and clean tone to it that isn’t often easy to achieve in a particularly ass-blasting riff, but dude had it in spades. The lead singer stood on the floor where a mosh pit will typically manifest, putting his fury directly in everyone’s face. He would yell into the mic before twirling it around on its chord. The chord was long too. I saw several people duck their way backwards out of harm like Keanu in The Matrix. They sang a headbanging rendition of Jonny B. Good and it was Totally B. Tits. Candice and I were trying to get some drinks when I saw her exchanging some heated words with some wasted lass in an idiot boot. You know, those horrible plastic boot things that bridge the gap between a casted hoof and recovery.

“What was that all about?” I asked.

“She kicked me! I asked her with WTF her problem was and she yelled that it was because I came near that f’n thing on her foot.  Who does that? I yelled back and told her that she step the fuck off and get some manners because kicking isn’t cool. Is this kindergarten?  What happened to ‘watch out’, ‘excuse me’, or a gentle nudge? She’s wasted. What a dumb-ass.”

We got our drinks and found a good spot to stake out for the rest of the night. Lecherous Gaze wrapped up their set and we just hung out, yucking it up with some comrades who’d come out to rock it with Black Cobra. All the while Glitter Wizard was setting up. Candice and I watched them and immediately started a dialogue: “Wow, they all…yeah, they all mustaches.” “Are they dressed like that on purpose?” “Are they wearing costumes? Or are they just belligerently hipstered-out?” “Are they gonna sound like Black Sabbath of Pink fucking Floyd?”

Well our queries were soon answered. Glitter Wizard took the stage, all rocking a shitload of their namesake. Glitterrrrrr! It may have been a part of their musical persona or whatever, but I have seen few bands that are as self-congratulatory as these dudes. They were proud of themselves to a distracting degree. Their music rocked, it was good, sure, I think. I just couldn’t focus on anything but how hard they were cool-guying the world. The bass player kept spitting on the crowd which lead me to believe he couldn’t quite decide on a genre. And they each showed a little too much man-flesh for my personal taste. Idiot Boot happened along and stood where we could see her dancing like she was their number-one fan. This show was suddenly taking a turn in a very wrong direction. Candice and I decided it was a wonderful time to get some fresh air.

We stepped outside and chuckled about the crappy band and that silly-ass drunk girl. Most of the time having someone to laugh your situation with makes any stupidity not only worth it, but kinda great. We stayed out there until Glitter Wizard was definitely off the stage and went back in. Robb had met up with a lady-friend of his who Candice took an immediate liking to. She apparently found it her duty to try and help Robb’s hand in his nightly endeavors, and in an only-slightly obvious way. Bless her heart. It was rad. I went to get some drinks and when I got back Candice told me that Idiot Boot had tried to make amends, but Candice just clammed up and shook her head. Then I.B. tried to hug her. Candice’s arms lay placid at her sides. Then, some other girl, who had witnessed it all and turned out to be another person that I.B. offended, came up and congratulated Candice on how she’d handled the situation. She was surprised that Candice didn’t punch I.B. in the face. “It was hilarious,” Candice said.

Black Cobra took the stage and the night’s rising sun was quickly beginning to shine. Candice had seen them a couple times before but it was my first, and allow me to end the suspense: I was blown ass over teakettle. There are only two dudes, a drummer and a guitarist, but you’d never guess that that much sound came from anything short of an army. The place erupted. Beers were thrown, crowds were surfed. It was a complete explosion of mayhem. Black Cobra is truly amazing and if they ever come to your town, don’t pass GO, don’t collect two hundred dollars, just grab your best friend and fanny-pack full of beers and get your ass there! They rule. You’ll thank me later. You’re welcome.

After Black Cobra was done sending us through the ringer, our adrenaline returning to relatively safe levels, we all spilled out onto the sidewalk and discussed the evening’s plans. Candice once again was full of suggestions for Robb and his lady friend. Alas, we eventually decided to leave them to their own devices and go back to Candice’s neighborhood where we could fuck some shit up. After walking back we figured it’d be a worthy idea to take a tiny break at her house, then go out to the many fine bars in that area to destroy what had previously been seeked. After about ten minutes, we were asleep. But (maybe) next weekend, bitches!

Comments are closed.