What I Learned from Watching the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

Sunday night, the tele was on E! as we were getting ready to head out to the Blood Wizard video premiere with the bands Rock Bottom and Bad Shit playing. These bands probably will not get any Grammy awards (sorry, dudes), but most of the bands we go see are not going to get a Grammy award anytime soon (if ever). I haven’t watched the Grammys in years.  The pregame red carpet show on E! piqued my interest in this affair.  I found that there were several artists that were unknown to me, a dress code and a mani cam.  Who knew that fingernails would get their own red carpet? I decided to record the show.

We are pretty ambivalent about the Grammy’s in general.  I am exponentially more interested in popular culture than Sean.  I enjoy knowing what the rest of the world is into, but I am often totally out of the loop.  The Grammy Awards are a giant commercial for mainstream popular culture.  In fact, many of the artists are in commercials that ran during the show.  Thank goodness for the DVR as I barely made it through this affair.

Here’s what I learned from watching the Grammys:

• LL Cool J is still adorable.  He was the host of the show.  Apparently, he did such a great job last time that he was asked back.  I can see why, he is totally inoffensive and who can resist those dimples.  Just so you know, I was a huge fan at the age of thirteen and can still recite “My Radio”.

• Taylor Swift is that perfect white girl. Her break ups make people feel sorry for her because they know that a break up is about as bad as it gets for this girl. She is young – that age where heartbreak is the worse thing that happens.  She belted out “we will never get back together” with all of the power of a girl that knows that she is rich, beautiful and will get laid again soon, if she wants to.

• Bonnie Raitt cool.  Okay, I already knew that, but the Grammy’s reminded me what an amazing lady she is musically and as human being.

• Miranda Lambert’s voice gives me a headache.

• MIGUEL!?! I had never heard of Miguel and my limited knowledge of Wiz Khalifa was that he just rapped about smoking weed and chillin’.  When they took the stage I was in awe, they killed it. Watch it.

• Mumford and Sons are not my cup of tea.

• Ellen wants to eat Beyonce for breakfast. Ellen was eyeing Beyonce like a lecherous dude as they introduced Justin Timberlake. It was kind of funny, but in an uncomfortable way.

• Justin Timberlake has still got it (whatever it is). The old school big band vibe was very compelling.

• Kelly Rowland clearly didn’t get the dress code memo.  My girl showed up with the puffy flesh showing like there was no dress code.  I certainly hope it wasn’t a cry for press as we all know that style gets as much, if not more, press than the music. Life without out Destiny’s Child must be hard.

• Hashtags are mainstream. Hashtags are like bands that have been plugging away forever and they finally make it.   They were only meaningful to geeks, but now everyone is into them.

• Maroon 5 are kind of annoying and Alicia Keys’ alter ego is Sheila E.  There was something that seemed so contrived about this performance.  I got sort of distracted because I kept thinking that I have heard this song in a commercial for something and that it is weird that Alicia Keys has a new job at Blackberry.

• Rihanna is not ashamed of being in an about being a victim of domestic violence.  Rihanna and Mikky Ekko’s performance of “Stay” was truly captivating.  I wish I know nothing of her relationship with Chris Brown.  That knowledge makes this song seem like a pathetic anthem to being a victim of domestic violence.  When someone beats you, tell them to “get the f@*k out”, not to stay.

• Miguel should have beat Frank Ocean.  If their Grammy performances were a competition, Miguel would have won.

• Prince is SUPER cool.  They get you all hyped about Prince being at the Grammys, but he didn’t really do anything.  Well, he showed up.  I guess, when you are as mysterious as Prince that is all that you have to do.

• A dress can act as a projection screen. If you don’t move well or if your song is boring, you can project stuff on your dress to distract your audience.  Carrie Underwood’s performance was a trip to boresville, but the projection on the dress was interesting.

• Britney Howard is amazing. I have never listened to Alabama Shakes, but I will now.  That girl can sing!  I love that she is fronting a roots rock band breaking stereotypes.

• Chuck D is kind of pushy.  The show closed with Chuck D, LL Cool J, Tom Morello and Travis Barker.  You’ve got the political rapper, the most loved rapper, the social activist, and an alt rock poster child.  All of these men have mad skills.  I just find this grouping strange.  The Grammy’s closed with me wondering why Chuck D shoved LL around the stage so much.

Here is a link to all of the Grammy performances. Watch now.

Here is a link to the tele ceremony. Watch now.